“It’s to bury my mother,” she replied.

Oh. I see.

She taught me a lesson I’ve never forgotten: my most difficult customer was probably having a difficult day before they ever walked into my store. Whatever has made them irate, irrational, insistent or just plain ugly is rarely about me, it’s always about them. There’s always a back-story, its chapters written long before our climactic encounter.

Take the case of Thomas Gunn, a 76-year old Chattanooga man who held two furniture delivery men hostage at gunpoint last weekend. I’m sure there’s more to his story than a simple mattress sale gone wrong. I’d be willing to bet his entire life had gone wrong in the days before he was charged with aggravated assault, kidnapping and carrying an unlawful weapon “over his furniture order being incomplete.”

My sympathy goes to the two men who were forced to drive back to the furniture store at gunpoint to speak to the manager about Mr. Gunn’s order. But when I’m faced with a difficult customer, a snippy salesperson or even a cranky relative, I try to remember the little old lady who needed a pink blouse to bury her mother.

Sometimes Ms. Jones’ problems are not your own.

The “Word of the Week” is written by Amy Lively of The Lively Merchant, R&A’s partner in providing these thought-provoking weekly witticisms.

I’m clueless about cuteness, as said daughter frequently points out. “People just don’t wear things like that anymore, Mom,” she explains. I’m slowly catching on. Sometimes all it takes to send me back to the closet is her not-so-subtle eye roll or exasperated sigh. (Other times, I wear unapproved goods just to tick her off!)

I am never going to have the flair of a teenage fashionista. And you know what? That’s okay. Unless, of course, it’s my job to make teenagers buy fashion… then I need all the help I can get.

What do you do when you need a clue about Ms. Jones’ heart, mind and soul? Who’s your advisor about her lifestyle, her passion, what she loves, what she hates, what makes her buy, what makes her cringe? We’d be remiss not to mention Meet Ms. Jones™ demographic studies and customer personas, but you don’t have to spend a cent to get a glimpse into Ms. Jones’ world.

Start by taking your team on a field trip to your local bookstore. Ask for the 15 top selling magazines. As you flip through the glossy pages, make note of the topics in the cover articles, the predominant colors, the angle of photography, advertising layouts, fonts and decorative elements, language and idioms.

Now watch television. Google the top shows, and set your DVR or rent an entire season on DVD. How do the characters talk? What do their homes look like? What do they wear? Who’s advertising during prime time? What do they talk about? Take advantage of the millions of dollars and mindboggling research that’s already being spent to woo Ms. Jones.

Unlike wearing my favorite t-shirt to the grocery store in spite of daughter’s scorn, Ms. Jones won’t excuse your faux pas—fashion or otherwise.

The “Word of the Week” is written by Amy Lively of The Lively Merchant, R&A’s partner in providing these thought-provoking weekly witticisms.

The first store was flanked by two salespeople standing behind a sofa at the front door. “Hello,” they said in unison, then continued their personal conversation. We asked for their teen catalog and looped through the store.

The second store was so cavernous and bare we thought they were closed for remodeling. The pale, wispy salesperson startled us as she whispered, “Hello,” from behind a catalog rack. We marveled at $1,600 lamps that took up half a room and quickly left, our voices echoing off the gray walls.

The third store was a mass of color and creative ideas. We took off our flip-flops to bury our feet in thick shag rugs as our daughter choose this and this and that to go in the someday home of her own. Two salespeople left a pile of fluffed pillows and straightened shelves in their wake. They may have said, “Hello,” over their shoulder as they whisked past.

Little did they know this 80-pound teenager was packing a couple hundred bucks she had saved to redecorate her bedroom. We were prime for their products, but we never made it past, “Hello.” The limited vocabulary of the short-sighted salespeople missed a probable sale and ruined a potential lifetime client—not to mention her mother’s business.

There’s nothing wrong with “Hello.” It’s a great first line. What’s your second favorite line? And your third? How long can you talk to Ms. Jones before you blurt out something about product, price or promotion? How do you start a conversation with Ms. Jones that’s all about her and nothing about you? Do you talk about the weather, the local hockey team, her hat, her kids, her running shoes/golf shoes/cute shoes, etc.?

Before you know it, she’ll tell you how you can help her before you even have a chance to ask.

The “Word of the Week” is written by Amy Lively of The Lively Merchant, R&A’s partner in providing these thought-provoking weekly witticisms.

There was no way I was going to make it. My flight landed at 8:24 am. The conference started at 9:00 am—but Mapquest said it was 29 minutes, 20.2 miles away. Dozens of passengers departed before me and we made our way to baggage claim. I used the restroom and returned to the carousel to find my hot pink suitcase sitting all by its lonesome by the belt… no other bags in sight. The bag and I headed to the curb to hail a cab, where cab driver Damona Szada whisked me off to the hotel with a minute to spare: we arrived at 8:59.

Serendipity! We were at the right place at the right time.

The next morning, I prayed that God would help me meet a particular woman. “Lord, I need Jeannie Burlowski. Please send her my way!” A few hours later, I was at the wrong place at the wrong time: instead of being seated in a classroom, I was wandering by the elevators. I heard Jeannie’s distinctive voice coming around the corner, “I wondered why it was taking me so long to get down to breakfast,” she said. “Maybe God’s got someone for me to meet!”

Serendipity!

You might believe in coincidences, you might believe in God-incidents. Regardless, can you recall a serendipitous moment, an accidental event that turned the tide? Did you feel that the eyes that made the universe were glancing your way?

Do you look for the opportunity to be someone else’s good luck charm? Letting someone cut in front of you at the intersection. Opening a door. Offering a job. A price adjustment. An early delivery.

We may never know how our actions impact the lives of others, including Ms. Jones. But I agree with Sir William Temple, who said, ““When I pray, coincidences happen, and when I don’t, they don’t.”

I felt punished before I even walked in the door.

Can you picture the corporate level meetings, customer complaints and employee grumbling that led to this policy? I can even understand that it’s necessary to clear up confusion and preempt complaints. But what I don’t understand is why they didn’t find a better way to say it.

How about, “Belly up to the Beverage Bar for just $1.99!” OK, maybe that line needs some work—but you get the idea. State the positive instead of the negative, and your customer will feel like they’re getting a benefit instead of a spanking.

What are your “No’s”? We’ve all got ‘em: No sales without a deposit. No returns. No smoking.
•  Your new furniture will be ordered upon receipt of your deposit.
•  Your order is custom made just for you! Please double check for accuracy as this is a final sale.
•  A smoking patio is provided in the rear of the parking lot.

Parents of toddlers will tell you, saying “No” all day is exhausting. No, you can’t put Cheerios in the toilet. No, you can’t lick the dog.

No, you can’t tell Ms. Jones “No.”

The “Word of the Week” is written by Amy Lively of The Lively Merchant, R&A’s partner in providing these thought-provoking weekly witticisms.

A round of handshakes and hugs at church is one way to spread joy and germs. Turns out you’re also at risk in the local mall, but not from germs. Touching merchandise puts you at risk for buying it, according to a recent article in Woman’s Day. “Research shows that if you touch something, you’re more likely to buy it. That’s why products like stuffed animals and candy are placed within easy reach of children at the grocery checkout, and soft blankets or cozy sweaters are positioned strategically on low tables at a store’s entrance.” The article advised shoppers to avoid touching merchandise, even to look at the price tag, unless they planned to buy it.

As a regular Ms. Jones who’s done my fair share of shopping, I get the point. I touched dozens of items during a recent trip to an antique mall, from soft and faded linens to shiny glassware (I somehow managed to restrain my buying impulses). But as a Ms. Jones who spends a lot of time figuring out how to make other Ms. Jones buy more stuff, I also see how retailers can use this tactile tactic to our advantage.

How can you encourage Ms. Jones to get up close and personal with your merchandise? Watch as she fondles the fabric, strokes the grain, grasps the handle, sinks into a sofa, or caresses a chair. Watch her eyebrows. Do they go up in surprise, or do they scrunch in disgust? Pay attention to her reaction as she touches your product and experiences it with all her senses.

With any luck, Ms. Jones will make a public display of affection by handing over her wallet.

The “Word of the Week” is written by Amy Lively of The Lively Merchant, R&A’s partner in providing these thought-provoking weekly witticisms.

Robert Frost may like the road less traveled, but Ms. Jones usually takes the path of least resistance. Like my meandering trail around the park, she usually goes where you direct her. Take a fresh look at Ms. Jones’ path through your store.

Before she even opens the door she’s already perused your window displays that set the tone for her entire visit. Are your windows fresh? Clean? Well lit? Seasonal?

Once inside, Ms. Jones stops, takes off her sunglasses, adjusts her purse, and looks around. Do you have something pretty for her to see? What does it smell like? Are there welcoming signs or lurking salespeople?

The first item on Ms. Jones’ right is where she’ll form her impression of your pricing. What’s there right now? Does it represent your high end or your low end price range? Ideally, this should be an attractive, affordable display.

There’s a huge likelihood Ms. Jones is going to turn right with she walks in the door. (It might be fun to take a little survey in your store: How many customers turn right at each intersection?) What’s on your right wall? This is your most valuable real estate, where Ms. Jones will spend most of her time. Beyond this area, often called the “strike zone,” she’ll follow your carpeted path past all the add-on merchandise so carefully chosen at the last market until she arrives at your best-selling, high-demand categories which you’ve inconveniently located in the in the back of the store. She finally arrives at the wrap desk, also surrounded by impulse items, strategically placed on the left side of the store where you can see the entire sales floor.

With each new shipment or in-stock sale the path can be shifted a little bit this way or nudged that way… until one day you look up and realize that your original brilliant design is a tangled web of obstacles and obstructions. There’s an art and a science to creating a drive-aisle in your store that drives Ms. Jones to your desired destination.

Can she get from here to there?

The “Word of the Week” is written by Amy Lively of The Lively Merchant, R&A’s partner in providing these thought-provoking weekly witticisms.

“Have I ever told you you’re my hero,

And everything I would like to be?

I can fly higher than an eagle

Because you are the wind beneath my wings.”

This cheesy standard won Bette Middler a Grammy in 1990, the same year I said my wedding vows. Our first dance was to an obscure Jimmy Buffet tune, but I’m sure “The Wind Beneath My Wings” made the playlist.

Wikipedia defines wind as a power source for work, energy and recreation; it also helps expand the range of transport by guiding sailing ships across the oceans. I know it’s corny, but for the past 20 years my husband, David, has been my wind. He’s my best friend and number one fan, the first to celebrate my success or steer me from a slip. Wind is caused by differences in pressure, and the resulting gusts can cause a squall in any marriage. It takes commitment to turn that friction into flight instead of a cyclone path of destruction.

Do you have someone in your life who pushes you higher than you could go on your own, a power source who makes you work harder, do better and enjoy life more fully? Have you acknowledged that person and told them how their influence has helped you? Are you a refreshing breeze in someone’s life, or do you carve the landscape like an eroding storm?

Is there someone in your organization who constantly pushes you to reach the next level? Are they seen as a troublemaker or a dream catcher? Do you push back or let them take you on an incredible journey? What’s your corporate attitude toward new ideas, a turn of direction, movement and change? Do you strike Ms. Jones like a tornado, or do you steer her on prevailing winds toward the destination you’ve chosen?

When sailing, a common hazard is becoming “becalmed” because of lack of wind. The next time you feel it’s resistance, hold on tight and use it to soar.

The “Word of the Week” is written by Amy Lively of The Lively Merchant, David’s wife of 20 years and R&A’s partner in providing these thought-provoking weekly witticisms.

She would try? Trying wasn’t good enough, I needed a promise. There were other places I could go, so I needed to know if my order would be ready by Friday at 5:00 pm for a basketball tournament, and not a minute later.

Yes, it was my fault for waiting too long. It was my fault for not calling ahead. I understood her dilemma and was sorry for her stress, but why did her problem become my problem just because I came to her to solve a problem? The real problem was, she would not say, “No.”

Do you ever tell Ms. Jones no? Is it a better service to say no than to say yes and fail? What can you do when you can’t do anything? Can you call your competitors to find what she wants? Can you rack your brain and search your racks to find an alternative? Or are you willing to sacrifice your staff and stretch your resources to “try” to leap through Ms. Jones hoops?

If that order is not done by Friday, my tourney team will kick butt in whatever I can find at Walmart, and it will be a long time before I let that store let me down again. I may not be right, but I promise I will remember if they were wrong.

The “Word of the Week” is written by Amy Lively of The Lively Merchant, R&A’s partner in providing these thought-provoking weekly witticisms.

Other times I hate “new.” New policies, new rules, new ways of doing things. Um, not so fun.

We’re in the middle of a whole lot of new around our office, and I’m struggling to keep up. It’s all good, don’t get me wrong, but “new” can be stressful, too. In fact, many of the Top 10 most stressful events in life all revolve around something new: being newly single, newly married or newly bereaved; starting a new job; having new children; moving to a new house. Toss in a new economy and a new generation coming of age, and you’ve got one stressed out country.

We’re coping with this newness in our office by acknowledging new feelings of stress and fear. Straight up, we tell our new people we’re developing new ground rules and we’ll make new mistakes. We’re tapping into new resources and connecting with new teachers. Kyle, the President at R&A Marketing, was kind enough to come to our office and demonstrate how they use new internet technology to stay connected. There’s a new idea for you: equipping your suppliers so they can do a better job!

What’s new around your place? How are you handling it? Does change make you want to take a long nap or does it keep you awake at night? Do you shoot new ideas down in flames or do you hear them out? Is your employee manual called, “The Way We’ve Always Done It”? Do you encourage people to make new mistakes to find new solutions?

If you couldn’t think of anything new you’ve attempted recently, you might want to take a new look at your organization. Ms. Jones couldn’t care less about your rulebook, but she does like to see a new look and play with new technology.

When trying to find a new way to light homes, Thomas Edison said, “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” Don’t give up on your 9,999^th try.

The “Word of the Week” is written by Amy Lively of The Lively Merchant, R&A’s partner in providing these thought-provoking weekly witticisms.